I don’t care what you think unless it is about me (Kurt Cobain)

If during a job interview a candidate states that the previous company he worked for was in total disarray until his arrival or if he says that he left his previous job because no one valued his work or that he was irreplaceable to the previous boss, turn on the internal alert that announces a possible danger to the organization!

Suppose we decide to offer the job to this young colleague because of his good sales results in former companies. We don’t ask the former bosses why and how he left the company. We do not inquire in the market what clients say about the candidate. In the end, what for, when everything is written in the CV.

The young colleague – let’s call him Žarko, arrives to the company and works diligently from the beginning. He is there for all your needs – to adjust your budget presentation, to prepare the protocol from a meeting you held. He presents himself in the best manner but only to you as the boss! He is highly competitive and intolerant towards colleagues from the same level of the hierarchy. The boss doesn’t see it or doesn’t want to see it. What we can see is that Žarko goes beyond his job description and becomes irreplaceable.

His desire is to provide the boss with more time for management. Over time such an employee gets noticed and advances. He is loyal in accordance with our famous saying:

“Everything for the company!”

His colleagues are increasingly complaining about aggression, manipulation and intrigue. You listen to them calmly and say to yourself that no one is perfect and that it is difficult to find such a member of the staff!

If you praise him on the meetings, you will get a modest answer that the accomplished result is actually because of you!

Years go by and Žarko becomes confident on his job position. If you wish to tell him that he didn’t do something right, Žarko starts changing. He becomes silent, insulted, and hostile to his colleagues. Situations where you have to judge in an open conflict between Žarko and colleagues are becoming more frequent. On the other hand, you became envious of his merits which often colored the result of the arbitration. Žarko openly asks for your help. He refers to everything he has done for you.

In these moments you start to wake up because you realize that you are paying a high price for all small services that Žarko has done for you.

Žarko does not tolerate a slightest criticism! He can not stand that someone else gets rewarded. Žarko needs constant applause from audience at work. He manipulates, controls, charms, conquers the audience in order to get that applause. Problems arise when applause is absent.

The trigger for fuse extraction and for explosion can be trivial – for example you are doing an annual assessment of employee performance. This year you have decided to give Žarko a mediocre grade.

That is a cause for destructive rage or cold contempt from his part. Is that how you pay back to the employee who has done so much for the organization and for you personally!!??? He feels betrayed, abandoned and hurt. He gets into an open conflict with you and creates a toxic atmosphere in the organization.

I think there aren’t so many managers that have not had a similar experience to a greater or lesser extent.

Healthy narcissism points to a normal self-esteem of a person. It gives us possibility to be assertive and be satisfied with ourself.

On the other hand, pathological narcissism is when a person has grandiose ideas about his own value. That fantasy is defended by all possible means! Beneath the cloud of superiority lies a core of worthlessness. The pathological narcissist under any circumstances can’t allow anyone to find the real truth! He has no weakness, no Achilles heel!

Unfortunately, culture in some companies of our time supports the intensification of pathological narcissism. Being number one, always winning, people are divided to winners and losers! Black and white predominate, there are no endless shades of gray. Either you will manipulate others or others will manipulate you. In such atmosphere a pathological narcissist is actually fighting for his rights.

In such environment Žarko and others like him are making great careers. They carry a dark view of the world, but we often see them as smiling and charming. This is how they captivate the audience and draw them into their web. People around them are treated like pawns on the career path. Rules exist for others, but not for exceptional Žarko. If a problem appears, others are always to blame, they don’t accept responsibility. When they don’t get what they want, they have outbursts of uncontrolled anger. The organization only accepts people like them while eliminating different ones. Any opposition is perceived as a personal attack. If they are on a managerial position, the people they work with become tired over time and lose interest in the job.

They create an atmosphere of flattery in the companies they run. A culture of mutual admiration is created – I am your duke, you are my serdar!

Very often they can’t delegate because delegating means allowing control to other people. In order to delegate, you have to trust others. In order to trust others, in the first place you believe in yourself. Having in mind that deep inside they feel how worthless they are, they do not allow decision-making to others and that is why they micromanag – they take care of small things and look for others’ mistakes.

The results they achieve in short term can be good. In the long run a toxic organization is being created that floats like a stagnation on the surface of a pond, without initiative, with fear and without responsibility.

(Published in Biznis magazine, October 2020)